Thursday, 20 December 2012

I can't be the murderer.


An entry I wanted to submit for a writing competition but I overshot by 80%.
Oh well I give up. J Unlimited writing is nice. 

I can't be the murderer. 

“Laurina, please do not do that!” I growled at that girl angrily.
“Linda, she killed Mother!” The girl bitterly barked.
“That doesn’t give you the right to kill her Laurina! No!” I shouted.

I opened my eyes; sweat seeped through my clothes and my heart thumped hard and quick. I heaved a sign of relief. It was just a dream.

*

The temptation to kill Jessica, the woman who indirectly caused Mother’s death two years ago, was definitely not resistible. I hated Jessica. She was the splinter to my thumb, the blister to my toes and the monstrous ache in my back. She despised both of us and her hate towards us was immeasurable.

Jessica was my stepmother.

Father left Mother for Jessica. Mother was enraged, fell into depression and eventually passed on as a very unhappy woman. There was nothing we could do. Jessica was our new mother. However, she treated us as her personal maids. Father couldn’t care less. He believed every lie she told and our cries for help were ignored. Home was jail. It was a place for people like us who lived day by day hoping and wishing we could get out of this hellhole and finally smell freedom. That day never did come for my sister Laurina. She was undernourished and just like my mother, she left this world, leaving me all alone forever and forever.

*

Jessica died today. Murdered, she was countlessly stabbed from top to toe and disgustingly dismembered by her murderer. I was over the moon. My freedom, my life, a life I can finally live. The police came to investigate this case, interrogated all her acquaintances. When it came to me, they asked where I had been the night before. This question was easy. I was home the whole time, it was the holidays and I was never allowed to go out. I also slept exceptionally earlier and I dreamt of my deceased sister. Officer Sam narrowed his eyes at me and they pierced through mine. I was intimidated but I was innocent. There is nothing I can hide. He continued questioning me again while lowering his spectacles down the bridge of his crooked nose so he could take a better look at me and smiled. 

“I believe you, you’re just a child. Murdering is seemingly impossible for you.” He patted me on the head before continuing, “However if you sense anything suspicious, let me know immediately, Linda.”  He winked and I escorted him out of my house.

After Officer Sam left, I sat on my sofa thinking of who hated my stepmother so much that he had to even dismember her. Suddenly my head was overwhelmed with pain and I fainted on the sofa.

*

“Well, did I do a good job? How did you like Jessica’s new look?” a familiar voice questioned me.
“No, Laurina no! Tell me you did not kill Jessica please. How did you even kill her? You are no longer a human!” I choked on my words.
“I did kill her. I have my ways but you cannot know. Ignorance is bliss. You’re free now. You can now do the things I always wanted to do. Go Linda go. Explore the world and tell me the next time you dream of me.” Laurina calmly replied and she vanished.

I woke up crying. Laurina can’t possibly be the murderer. She was such a sweet sister and couldn’t even bear to kill an ant. Murdering Jessica was beyond her limits.

*

The police came again to search for more evidence.  Apparently there was no break-ins and Father was overseas so he could not have managed to kill her. She was killed around midnight and the security camera in our car park showed that no one foreign came to our house. The knife did not have any fingerprints too.

I was the only one at home. I was the prime suspect.

All evidence pointed to me. However Officer Sam refused to accept the fact. I was the little sweet innocent fourteen years old in his eyes. In fact, he pitied me that both my mothers had passed on. They wanted to arrest me but he did not allow that. He wanted to find out more and he stood to his assumption that it could not have been me. There is more to Jessica’s death that meets the eye.

I did not mention my dream to me. It was not possible at all. A dead person couldn’t have possibly killed. 

Officer Sam arrived the next morning. He looked at me sadly and sighed. “Kid, I’m sorry I have to bring you in. The higher-ups ordered me to.”

I inhaled loudly and wanted confidence that might float in the air to be absorbed by me.  “Officer Sam, I have something to confess.”

His eyes widened. “No you did not kill her Linda.”

I nod and mumbled, “I am not sure but I do know who killed Jessica.”

*

Officer Sam heard my story and started shaking his head. He slammed the table and looked at me in the eye fiercely, “Kid, this is not possible, don’t lie to me so you can get out of this mess.”

“I did not kill her! You have to believe me!” I screamed in agony. I told him because I thought he would have believed me. Surprisingly, he deemed my statement illogical. I believed it was not true too but I just wanted to tell him what I knew.

“Listen, you are staying here.” He looked away and walked out of the room. I could see his disappointment.

*

He came back with another man. This young man was bespectacled and dressed in a suit. 

“Linda, this is Patric. He is our psychologist and is here to give you some tests.” Officer Sam bluntly said and left the room.

My face flushed. “I am not mad!” I shouted angrily and threw my cup of water at the door he just closed.

I reluctantly did some tests with Patric. I told him everything form the start and he just nod, smiled and jotted down some notes.  He also tried making me sleep with his little watch and I snoozed off on my table.

*

“Is this guy trying to take advantage of my sister?” I heard a growl.

*
I woke up with water splashed on me. I was holding a pen about to stab Patric. I shook my head and lowered my hand.

“What was I doing?” I looked around and my teeth clattered. My thoughts were everywhere. I tried to kill Patric, I must be the one who killed Jessica. I dropped to the floor and started crying. I do not want to be a monster but I am one.

Patric squatted next to me. “I diagnose you with split personality.  Your sister is dead and you think of her too much so you took over her character and your subconscious mind assumed that you’re her.”

“But my sister is not a murderer. She’ll never be.” I muttered.

“Linda listen, you hated Jessica and when you had inherited your sister’s character, your mind instantly reminded you that you are incapable of murdering. Hence you pushed the hatred to Laurina’s character.”

I shook my head in disbelief. I pulled my hair and bit my lips till they bled. Tears flowed like a waterfall. Officer Sam barged into the room. “Linda please stop crying you did not commit murder. Your psychological state caused this.” He gently told me. I looked at my shaking hands. These hands were capable of killing. I need to get rid of them desperately. I put all my fingers in my mouth and started biting them. Officer Sam and Patric had to force my hands out of my mouth. My hands were bleeding and I screamed. I suddenly remembered these bloody hands holding a knife stabbing Jessica and her blood continuously flowing out. I could hear her cries and my evil laughter. I put my hands over my ears and started to bang my head against the wall. “Stop! Stop! Stop!” My head was bleeding as well. Officer Sam and Patric pulled me away and tied me to my chair where I could not hurt myself. I looked aimlessly at the ceiling. My so-called freedom is gone. Hello jail.

Just then Father entered the room and saw me tied. He glared at Officer Sam and Patric and angrily ordered them to untie me. By then I had cooled down. I clenched my fists and my eyes wandered around the room.  Father insisted Officer Sam and Patric leave the room so he could have some time with me. Just as they left, Father frowned angrily and demanded an explanation on why I killed Jessica. I refused to look at him in the eye. He grabbed my face, squeezed my cheeks and made me look at him in the eye. My beady eyes stared into his before closing. I did not want to see my Father. He was still siding Jessica and I was his daughter. I needed moral support not another questioning.

Father sighed and crossed his arms. He told me I was better off dead, wasn’t worth a lawyer’s fee and should rot in jail where he will never ever visit me. I snarled and stood up. “You were never there for me in the past. Now does not make any difference to me.”

He slapped me.

“I don’t have a father.” I mocked him while holding on to my burning cheek.

He then cornered me and started strangling me. “This is what you get for killing my Jessica!” He shouted.

I was choking. Thankfully Officer Sam came in and forced Father’s hands off me. He was going to charge Father for attempted murder. I snickered at Father. “You’re not worth a lawyer’s fee too. Rot in jail, Dad.”

*
I was not jailed but Father was sentenced to five years. Officer Sam decided to become my foster father and I had to undergo counseling from Patric . When he deemed me as mentally fit, I was so happy and hugged him tightly. Laurina was out of my life. I finally got rid of her character along with my sins. I was seventeen when he said I was free from my mental jail.  These three years with Patric were the best years of my life. I fell madly in love with him. Although he was ten years older than me, he felt the same way too. We started dating. I became a normal person going back to school intending to grow up to be a psychologist too. I wanted to be like Patric, my rescuer, my lover.

*
I am forty-seven now. I have never seen Father again since he came out of jail. My foster father has passed on and Laurina has murdered Patric. He cheated on me with another woman, Jessy. Laurina is back with my evilness... 




Hope you enjoyed the story thought its rubbish! Glad I'm done before 2am! :)


Alina



Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Burburburrrrrrrrrrrrrclick its evening.

I was really bored
AND I bought a new class 10 sandisk sd card yesterday
SO I decided to go out and snapsnapsnap

Oh anyway, this blog is for like albums (?) when I go on a mass photo-taking day with my dslr. (Eg, today & that day when I was clicking stuff in my house) while flickr is like individual special photos? Photos from long ago that I really like so they'll be edited and uploaded on flickr. :) Oh and I'm a really lazy person so my flickr is sadly not as updated as this blog and instagram. Indeed, I have instagram too! I adore instagram. IT IS LOVELY. Instagram is for daily happenings and impromptu shots like my fab food, my gorgeous face and shit. Yes my photos from my instagram will never be uploaded onto this blog cause they're not worthy enough. Besides, these are my wannabepro shots and stuff BUT for my instagram, like what everyone (including nonwannabes) post typical stuff. What they eat, what they drink, what they wear, what album they are listening to (YES PEOPLE ACTUALLY SCREENSHOT THE ALBUM THEY ARE LISTENING TO AND UPLOAD THEM ON INSTAGRAM), what they bought today, who they are with, what they are doing. Blah blah blah. I am this kind of person on instagram hahahahaah. But hey CONFESSION: The food I post there are really mouthwatering ok. :P

Yes, so here are the snaps! :-)


































Yup that's about it! :-)
Sec 1 Registration is tomorrow oooooh so exciting I'm going to see NEW SEC 1s :D
Hahahahaha
I'll be flying off to taiwan tomorrow night :'(
Definitely going to snap more pictures there! :)
And yes, I'm deffy uploading them here :)

With lovelovelovelove,
Alina

Sunday, 16 December 2012

It's not the gun's fault.

The shooting in Newtown, Connecticut is a devastating event.
This massacre left 27 people dead.
20 of which are children.
These children will never have a full childhood.
These children will never become teenagers.
These children will never experience their first kiss.
These children will never become adults.
These children will never get married.
These children will never have children they can call their own.
These children will never age.
Lastly, they will never experience the sweetness of life.
And out of these children,
1 of them could have potentially become a presidential candidate that will make America better, get America out of debt, get America to progress even better.
1 of them could have potentially become the next Einstein, maybe he will figure a cure for cancer, maybe he will figure a cure for AIDS, maybe he will figure a cure for fucked up people like Adam Lanza.
All of them were born to be something great.
Even if they weren't born to be presidents or Einsteins, they are their parent's babies, they were born to be great nonetheless.
Picture this coming white christmas where presents are hidden underneath the christmas tree awaiting for their children to open them on Christmas morning. Most families do that.
But these 20 families will never ever see their children unwrap the presents this Christmas forever and ever.
Well for the other children, they'll be scarred for life. This will affect their life so much.
Put yourself in their shoes. Seeing your best playmate get shot. Seeing your little sibling get shot. This is devastating too.
These pictures touched my heart so so so very very very much:

This is from tumblr.
And this woman is my hero.
Selfless.

From tumblr too.
Devastating.
I can't even imagine myself losing my friends.

And tumblr again.
:'(

Once again, tumblr.
Lanza you were once a child too.....


Adam Lanza is the craziest guy ever. Massacres are bad, but killing little children are worse.
This cruel selfish guy even killed his mother before the others.
People say its the guns' fault.
This is incorrect. At least partially so.
I can kill even with a knife, kill with a car.
A gun is a tool just like a knife like a car.
It depends on WHO uses it.
There are drunk drivers that kill people on the roads yet there are job opportunities for chauffeurs.
There are crazy serial murderers that stab others with knives yet there are housewives that cut meat with their knife.
There are people like Adam Lanza shooting innocent young faces with guns yet there are people who have guns to protect themselves from others that could harm them.
Tools are just tools.
People control them, people use them.
Its not the tools' fault at all.
Yes guns are dangerous, but don't tell me cars and knives are as dangerous too.
Imagine Lanza walking into the school and stabbing everyone. The results are exactly the same as him shooting others. There are casualties in both cases..
There are no point in restricting the gun uses in America.
If so, go on, restrict everything that can potentially kill.
Even a pencil can kill by stabbing.
How many restrictions can there be?
These people in our society need help, profesional help.
What Obama needs to do about this is help the people instead of banning guns.
Teachers should be sent for training that will teach them to notice children that might have problems and these problems could lead to devastating events like The Lanza's Massacre.
There should be talks America-wide for parents on children psychology and family bonding. Families are important. Parents need to monitor their children's actions, understand them and listen to them when they have problems. They need to care for their children. They have to show that they care. Let the children know that they care. (Yes I repeated it 3 times paraphrasing because this is important.) This will allow them to have better understanding towards one another. Look at Lanza, all he wanted to do was kill his mum and this led to other children killed too. It started all from a family-related problem.
Lanza is crazy but humans weren't born crazy.
I'm sure Lanza was once sane and good.
Cursing him to rot in hell isn't very nice although all the sins he had were horrid.
The guy's dead.
The children are dead.
What we can all do now is not repeat that he should die in hell (He's already dead) but cherish and look out for our loved ones. They could be the next victims or the next Lanza... Your help could help 20 other children out there or even more.

Alina
I'm really grateful Singapore is not that bad
although there are certain black sheep 
like the guy that killed Huang Na









Thursday, 13 December 2012

Featuring an amateur's photography

Hi

It has been long, hasn't it?

Yea so I decided to do something with my life [besides tuition, ok I really like tuition a lot ok I love my tutors Grace, Kian Wee, Mengyang They're lovely people. Except maybe for Mengyang when he goes PMSy and all but he's a great tutor. :-) ]

When I meant doing something with my life, I decided to take out my dslr and take "creative" "artistic" shots around. I had this baby for a while already but I've never exactly got the chance to uhhh attempt being a professional. Hahah kidding I suck, my photography is mediocre. *humbleness is always nice* hahahahaahah. yea previously, my baby took shots at the SJI Carnival (1st post), Surabaya (some posts after the SJI carnival one hahaha no idea poops) and that trip to Gardens By the Bay (mmhmm the post before this). Yes I agree those shots were just random shots I took through the trip. Nothing insight about them, just having fun with my friends. Maybe the Gardens By the Bay photos were naturally better than the other 2, well because, they're flowers, you're supposed to take pretty artistic boom boom powish pretty brilliant magical shots of them. Well basically in my opinion I just reached Level 1 out of the millions of levels those wonderful professional photographers have out there. Oh yes I forgot to add I had another post here the one on my birthday yes that was taken with the dslr too but yea, they're all pretty mediocre photos and some of them weren't even taken by me whoopsies, I can't officially declare them my work although they were urinated out of my sexy SD card. (urinated?!) Ok a little rant here, I HATE KINGSTON, it keeps lagging like some !@#$%^&*  in my dslr and sometimes it'll stop working. It says its damaged and all that and I'm like "giulffhibeejefewvBHVvbhbhvbhvwbhvbhvbhv I hate yo, work now you hcjhfjbrhbjrvbrbjrw" If you have any recommendations on pretty nice SD cards that work extremely perfectly on dslrs, please comment down there. Yea somewhere down there I still don't get how blogger works. Pssh.

Alright here's the thingo, I created a flickr account which is pretty pathetic cause no one I know has a flickr account. And no one appreciates my photos :'( Do you hear something, its my heart bleeding. I'm kidding. I'm really new to flickr. I hope I can get like criticisms and like opinions on some of my photos from you guys, oh please, I want feedback. But no one bothers, even strangers, ok its pretty obvious that strangers don't give a shit to me but still. It'll be lovely if someone just takes a while to just take a sneak peak and give your most honest honest honest opinion about the photos. Yup so here's the link /http://www.flickr.com/photos/alinabelle/  Your feedback will be muscles that will lift up my hands to carry that oh so pretty baby of mine. Well thank you in advance. Yea for interest sake just do me this lovely favour. Hahaha or if you're too lazy, its ok I appreciate that you didn't bother helping me, that was nice :) Hahahah I'm joking, don't take that to heart! I know reading through all these words are boring you out. Don't cry. Alina loves you <3 <3 <3

Yea so maybe all these words all bloody boring, if I'm you I wouldn't have bothered to read till here anyway. I mean I'm a fan of Xiaxue and Naomi Neo, but I don't exactly read through all their stuff and all, (CONFESSION) My eyes are just captured by all those pinkish pretty photos of the 2 of them (especially that baby bump of Xiaxue's, its so cute I'm dying. Pretty baby I bet) . Haha I know thats really shallow of me, but hey, I do look through other photos in flickr too! They have really good photographers there (professional/wannabes). I just love how skillful they are when they take THAT SKY, THAT CLOSE UP SHOT OF AN ANIMAL NEAR YET FAR, THAT FLOWER (they even know the name of the flower, fascinating).

Ok yes ok so I shall post some photos up here I took yesterday in my house.
I didn't upload them on flickr cause I was really lazy, about 20+ photos? My flickr friends (I have flickr friends?) may be annoyed with the spam whoaps. Ok so I uploaded them on facebook yesterday. And yes because I'm such a show-off (y'know I'm kiddin') I'll upload them here! :) Enjoy!
Its called Monochrome in da house.
Hahaha stupid name, I know.
I'm very sorry my vocabulary is as limited as a fossil fuels.
See I couldn't find a better word/phrase for fossil fuels, so I sadly ended up with that.

Ok so here's the photos!























Yup!
Well I tried :-)
And if you have feedbacks, feel free to tell me! :-)

oh and if you're really FREE, check this video out.

Ohhhh and if you're super uber free and have nothing better to do
LISTEN TO TITANIUM. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRfuAukYTKg
Its my faveeee song now I don't know why but
I suddenly grew to love it.
Hahahahah
Oh by the way I'm really hungry now.
I'll love you for life and we can be bff if you send some food to my house now!


Love,
Alina :-)